Writing Tip #3

An oldie, but a goldie, especially for a woman:

“If you want to write, you have to cut through and write. There is no perfect atmosphere, notebook, pen, or desk, so train yourself to be flexible.”
– Natalie Goldberg, Writing Down the Bones (p. 101).

Our True Priorities Dictate Our Time

We get told this over and over: We all have the same 24 hours a day and how we use them is up to us.

As if, somehow, we’re focusing on things that aren’t important to us. And that’s what hinders our writing.

But, let’s be honest, there are always competing priorities for a woman writer’s time:

Our job – because we all have bills
Our relationships – dealing with kids, partner, parents
Our health – exercise, leisure, sleep

For women, our true priorities – our relationships, our children, our work – dictate how we spend our hours each day.

We can’t, as so many advice-givers advocate, just make time to write. We have to schedule our writing time around our priorities. We focus on things that ARE important to us.

In addition to being a wife, mother, and writer, I am a college professor. Today is graduation. I MUST be at graduation, right. It’s a school requirement, I can’t skip it and write.

Should I feel bad about that? I think not.

Like me, you have challenges in your life that are personal to you. Your job is to determine your true priorities and manage your time around those priorities so that your challenges do not create barriers.

The solution is not to in time management, it is in priority management.

Writing Tip #2

Keep writing. Your words matter. My words matter. Life gets in the way – everyday, every freakin’ day! – but we can’t stop, won’t stop writing. Don’t. Stop. Writing.

A Writerly Life: Mary Oliver

“Believe me, if anybody has a job and starts at 9, there’s no reason why they can’t get up at 4:30 or five and write for a couple of hours, and give their employers their second-best effort of the day – which is what I did.”
— Mary Oliver

Gender Socialization Affects the Woman Writer

I’m just going to lay this out there: The rigors of life itself still chip and distance women from their inner lives.

Expecting that women can just take/make the time needed to write ignores the gender socialization that continues to affect the choices that creative women make. In my own experience, I have found that talented and creative women, myself included, still struggle against both societal and personal pressures.

Two decades ago, researcher Livia Pohlman pointed out, that for women, “The conflict between the demands of family life and the tensions inherent in producing creative work may affect adult creativity in numerous and as yet unexplored ways” (p. 3). The women she interviewed found that “their identities were often divided three ways – as a wife, a mother, and a writer – with their sense of self as a writer being in conflict with the gender expectations of being a good wife and mother” (p. 10).

Even though one would anticipate that much would have changed in twenty years, more currently, this same position is supported by Sarah White Bender (and co-writers) who in a research article published in 2013, said, “In place of single-minded devotion to creative work, women’s attention is commonly diverted from creative pursuits to competing interpersonal priorities” (p. 40).

No matter what we’re told, many women who would like to write (or to write more) succumb to a potent brew of upbringing and social expectations, which makes splitting time between the people we love and the creative work we wish to do a wrenching choice.

In her book Art, bell hooks noted, “Most women I encounter (with the exception of a privileged few) feel that we are still struggling against enormous odds to transform both this culture and our everyday lives so that our creativity can be nurtured in a sustained manner” (p. 128).

Our desire to do creative work, in the experience of many women, is treated as an indulgence, and hooks warned us that we cannot wait for ideal circumstances to be in place. She said, “Each of us must invent alternative strategies that enable us to move against and beyond the barriers that stand in our way” (p. 130).

Before you go, ask yourself what alternative strategies can you invent that allow to you nudge things aside to open a space for writing?

When You Finish Writing, Celebrate!

When you finish a piece, celebrate.

When you are working on a long piece, put small celebrations in place along the way.

When you achieve a step toward completing a difficult piece, celebrate.

Why is celebrating important? Celebrating your writing triumphs big and small is a way of honoring your work and yourself. It is a strategy that give you a resting place. We need resting places. In Minding The Muse, Priscilla Long says, “Once we experience the feeling of deep rest after completing a work, it’s natural to strive to get there again” (p. 10). If you never rest, you may give up writing.

It is about the attitude that we as women writers take toward our own work.

Celebrating is about our relation with our own work. Celebration brings joy into our writing life. Choosing to celebrate honors our work.

Today’s Challenge: Come up with a list of celebrations, big and small, that make you feel special. When you finish a piece, a step, a draft, reward yourself with something on your list.

If you found this post helpful, be sure to leave a comment and share with someone you would like to inspire.

Writing Tip #1

Pick the hours that work best for you to write. Keep a writing schedule and be as disciplined as you can about keeping your writing appointments with yourself, but pick the hours that work best for you.