Overwhelmed? Blocked? Try Reverse Empathy

There is still much to learn about women’s creative processes and how to create the conditions that foster our creativity without negating the importance of relationships in our lives. Our culture and socialization still hijack a woman’s creative process, creating barriers for the woman writer. By barrier, I mean any persistent event, condition, or circumstance which inhibits a woman’s ability to both begin writing at all, and also to continue after she has begun.

Bell Hooks said, “Most women I encounter (with the exception of a privileged few) feel that we are still struggling against enormous odds to transform both this culture and our everyday lives so that our creativity can be nurtured in a sustained manner” (Art, p. 128).

A woman’s desire to do creative work is, in the experience of many women, treated as an indulgence, and hooks warned women that they cannot wait for ideal circumstances to be in place. She said, “Each of us must invent alternative strategies that enable us to move against and beyond the barriers that stand in our way” (p. 130).

In addition, I think women are culturalized to be overly empathic. An article published by the Greater Good Science Center at Berkeley said, “Overly empathic people may even lose the ability to know what they want or need. They may have a diminished ability to make decisions in their own best interest, experience physical and psychological exhaustion from deflecting their own feelings, and may lack internal resources to give their best to key people in their life.”

This sounds like many women writers I know.

So what should we do? Here’s one alternative strategy you can use to move against and beyond your barriers: when faced with cultural and social messages that affect your ability to write, while waiting for ideal circumstances to be in place, when struggling for that bit of writing time, treat yourself with empathy. Yes, empathy. Empathy is acknowledging the humanity of someone (you) who was raised to think differently. So what I’m really talking about is reverse empathy, instead of feeling empathy for those round us, feel empathy for yourself. This a practice that allows you to pay attention to another’s needs without sacrificing your own, because it requires you to pay attention to your own needs.

Often when we are given writing advice, we try to follow tips and ideas that don’t really work for women, because of our conditioning and our circumstances. Instead of feeling like a failed writer, we should try and view ourselves through a reverse-empathetic lens. When we do, we learn to identify our own frame of reference, then we can take compassionate action toward ourselves. Then we can find, make, create, win back our writing time.